I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Randomize
