Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
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My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
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He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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