I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
