I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
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