i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
