Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
Barsexuality is the new black.
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
Randomize
