I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
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