The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
Randomize
