is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
Randomize
