He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
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