So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
Randomize
