If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Randomize
