there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
