I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
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I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
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Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
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