Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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