Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
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