Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
we're chasing vodka with high fives
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
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She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
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I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
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