Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
