Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Randomize
