Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
