I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
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