I've blown a few things in my day
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
