She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
Randomize
