My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
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