Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
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