I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
