Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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