He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
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