we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Randomize
