Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
Randomize
