In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
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