Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Randomize
