I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
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The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
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juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
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