He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
