the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
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You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
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CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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