you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
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