There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
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I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
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