Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
Randomize
