im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
