So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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