If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
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