I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
he quoted the bible to break up with me
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
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