the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
