I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
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