my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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