omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
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