My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Randomize
