just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
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