I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Randomize
