is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
