she smelled like a LAN party
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
he quoted the bible to break up with me
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
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