WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
I'm too high and old for this...
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Randomize
