You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
I love you. Go after that dick
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
I know her cup size but not her name....
Randomize
