You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
