just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
never play flip cup with pint glasses
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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