can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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