Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
