we have officially mastered the walk of shame
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
