I see my mary-anne walkin' awa-y-y! Bow Nahw now new, ne ne ne ne ne, ne ne nehw, ne ne new new Nah dan ah bwawn-now, ba bwan'll buh dada bwiddly doo.
That was supposed to be me air guitaring the solo from More than A Feeling
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
The chlamydia really affected his face.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
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