No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
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