we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
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