epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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