The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
Randomize
