I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Randomize
