I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
Found your dick twin last night
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
