And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
Randomize
