hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
Randomize
