Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
Randomize
