so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
