dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
Randomize
