so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Randomize
