giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
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