She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
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