When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
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