The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
