I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
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You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
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