Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
