just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Randomize
