im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
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