Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
