So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
I would fuck him just for his dog
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