I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
Randomize
