well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
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