You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
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